Baby is 20 weeks!

Halfway! The weeks have been going by pretty fast still, although I know it always seems to slow down in the weeks before baby is born.

I'm having trouble falling asleep and am waking up numerous times during the night. This shouldn't happen until I get so big I'm too uncomfortable to sleep. I'm expecting to sleep better once my beloved comes home. Not too many more weeks now, although every week is one too many.

I've had a few comments on my pregnancy this past week. It's nice that I've gotten to the point where people don't have to wonder if I'm just really thick around the middle. :)

I was asked what advice to give a first time mom who will be delivering in a few weeks. The first thing that came to my mind was to understand the risks of an epidural and to remember that when one feels like one can't cope anymore, it probably means one is in transition and baby will soon be born.

I am very encouraged that homebirths seem to be on the rise. At least in my circle. I would think that in our internet age where information is so easily accessible that women would understand the risks of a hospital birth and that the rising C-section rate would deter women from planning hospital births. A woman's perception of childbirth will probably determine where she will birth. If she has the idea that childbirth is a medical event or a fearsome happening, she will more than likely think that the hospital will "save" her from anything bad happening or tell her how to have the baby.

The main reason we believe birthing a baby at home is safe is because childbirth is not an inherently dangerous medical event. We trust that God has designed the female body to be capable of birthing a baby. While some women may have medical conditions that require medical attention, most women do not need medical assistance in birthing a baby. They may think they need pain assistance, but that's because their fear of pain prohibits them from coping. Pain from childbirth is different from other sources of pain. This kind of pain comes and goes. It is a productive happening that is for good! What the pain suggests to me is that I'm not relaxing enough and I need to loosen my body and mind and not fight what's going on. We are all prone to pain avoidance. There is a drug for every discomfiture that one may experience. But there's no magic in the drugs. It doesn't make it all better. The symptoms may abate, but at what costs? The epidural that was given to me with my first birth when I was 8 centimeters stopped my labor. I remember crying at that point knowing that I'd much rather have the pain back and continuing on with my labor than for my body to quit doing what it was supposed to be doing. Of course, what often happens in the hospital is the cascading effect of more drugs. How lucky I was that they could give me Pitocin to put me back on track! I am being sarcastic in case you don't know that I dislike using the word "luck". I don't believe in luck. How does God's sovereignty and luck fit together? What is one saying about God when one says "Good luck!" Is that like saying, "May God be with you?" I don't think so. If you want to annoy me, tell me how lucky or fortunate I am to have 7 healthy pregnancies and births. And I'll tell you that God gets the glory and not luck. Sorry to have gone on that rabbit trail. It just irks me that Christians don't change their language habits to reflect that it is God who is in control.

Even if one understood all the risks of medical interventions at the hospital, one is still not at the liberty to birth in a natural and unhindered way. Birthing on a delivery table almost guarantees that a woman will tear. Her legs in the stirrups may assist the doctor in doing an unnecessary episiotomy and catch the baby more suitably, but that's purely for the doctor's benefit. If having my baby in an upright position was my only reason for a homebirth, it is reason enough. But of course, there are so many more reasons to not have one's baby in the hospital. Hospitals are where sick people go and there are germs there. Not like the germs in one's home. I would not want to deliberately expose my newborn to a place where disease and death is inevitable. I would not want to be in that environment either, come to think of it. I am not sick. And I don't want to get sick. Another reason childbirth should occur in one's home is because it's a private family matter. Why should male interns, male nurses or male doctors have anything to do with my body when I am not needing medical care? On the other hand, why should female nurses have anything to do with my body during childbirth? Everyone's fingers are different sizes, one person's 10 centimeters may be another's 7? To me, having a baby is as intimate as ... well, being intimate with my husband. Or to put it in the simplest terms, it's not unlike performing a natural function like going to the bathroom. Some may be comfortable having their extended family, church, and friends with them and to them, it's all good when it's in the privacy of their homes. They have control over their homes. It is a place of safety and peace. The hospital, no matter how nice, is a foreign place where one is a patient. Being a patient means that you give over control what happens to you. And to your baby. Being a patient means that this birth belongs to the hospital, not to you.

I am not against hospitals. One just shouldn't put oneself in a risky situation at the onset of a natural, family event. Should I need to transfer to the hospital, I will be grateful that there is medical help for me or for my baby. Because there is a possibility that I may need medical help doesn't alter the fact that childbirth is a normal and inherently safe life event. If I am going to allow fear to be the deciding factor on where to birth, I know the hospital will not alleviate that fear. Doctors are only human. But I am not going to allow fear to motivate me. Knowledge and wisdom have proven to me that home is where birth is safe and easy, compared to the hospital birth I experienced. I don't trust my body or the birthing process to make me feel safe. I trust in God in whom all good things flow.