What to do with one's loved one at death?

I read this post at online.worldmag.com and thought it was thought provoking.

I have always been surprised at the popularity of cremation and wondered about it.  Understandably, the fact that it costs much less than a funeral home assisted burial must be something that makes it attractive.  Money seems to be the big motivator on the decisions we make.  Practically speaking, it makes sense.  Spiritually?  What does money have to do with anything?

I guess most people really don't know all their options.  Just as I did not know I could have a homebirth many years ago, I'm sure there are many people who do not know they do not need a business to take care of their dead.  I have a book called Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love.  Isn't that a wonderful title?  "In early America, home funerals were the practice everywhere, and each community had a group of women who came in to help with the "laying out of the dead." "  The author, Lisa Carlson, goes on to write, "Just as they [baby-boomers] took back control of the birthing experience, many will choose to handle death more actively, more distinctively-with or without a funeral director."  I have witnessed the taking control of the birthing experience by some in my generation, but I really haven't seen much of that in regards to caring for one's loved ones.  I'd like to think that we automatically turn to the mortuaries and crematories instead of burying our own dead because this is what society has trained us to do.  I hope it's not because the dead body is repulsive to us and we don't want to think about actually having to handle it.

What is it that mortuaries do that they are such an integral part of death?  "The funeral industry, emerging between 1880 and 1920, successfully convinced the public (through the efforts of the newly formed National Funeral Directors Association) that professional services were necessary for proper care of the dead-with compatible laws and regulations quickly following.  Embalming was the centerpiece of that effort.  Families could place a body on ice to slow its deterioration, but only an experienced "professional" could embalm.  In fact, embalming remains the only specific skill required in the undertaking business."  So, it seems that we hire morticians to embalm and make our dead look like they're not dead.  "Most people don't know that embalming is almost never required."  And if that's the case, then why do it?  So as to delay the funeral until the weekend where more people will attend?  "Most people don't know that the normal funeral-type embalming "holds" a body for only a few days."  Once a person is dead, is there any reason to keep their body life-like?  I don't think so.  I remember seeing my dead father's face in the casket at his funeral and thinking that the make-up on him is rather gruesome and that his hair was parted the wrong way.  I would have preferred a closed casket.  But the mortuary went through all that trouble to make him look good.  What a waste that would've been!  Maybe that is the kind of thinking that takes place when people make arrangements for funerals.  And maybe it's to avoid all these funeral traditions that cremation has become so popular.  Caring for the Dead isn't a Christian book and it references cremation.  I think a Christian would want to go to the Bible for understanding how a dead body should be taken care of.  As far as I know, burning of a loved one's dead is not a Christian practice.  And even if Christians now practice it, I believe we should follow biblical precedence rather than cultural norms.

Not too long ago I read about a cemetery where I'd like to be buried in if we still didn't own our own land and family cemetery.  This is the kind of cemetery where costs would be kept to a minimum and where one would have more control of the burial.  I like what I read on their website: "Burial is not a waste of land, it protects and restores the land."  But I'm praying that God would give us our own family resting place one day.

I pray for my family's health regularly and desire that God would give us long lives, especially for our children.  But I also want to be prepared for our deaths.  Surely if my husband and I are predetermined in our decisions regarding burial decisions prior to any of our family member's death, how much less stressful the arrangements would be when the time does come.  

Death does not have the victory over the children of God.  We are confidant of this and we rejoice in knowing that the life after, our eternal destination, is where we want to be.  I pray that God would grant us peace and acceptance when that time comes.  And that we'll be able to truly love and care for each other, in life and in death.

P.S.  Another book that is insightful about burials and in particular, the funeral industry,  is The American Way of Death written by Jessica Mitford.  She also wrote the book I referenced to in my last post.  I'm not sure where my copy is, otherwise I would've quoted from that book as well.