Baby is 19 weeks

God has delivered me! I haven't had hives in nearly 2 weeks now.

This is a very active baby. I feel baby move all the time. Being a mother is so utterly fascinating.

We've been walking nearly everyday, except when it rains. A couple of days ago, I decided to run the last stretch home and it felt so good. I think running is something everyone should try to do sometime. You can't be that old if you can run. :)

Chris and I have been talking about names and discussing whether to get a bigger birthing pool. There's something about my husband's love for our baby that makes me feel so tender towards him. His interest and involvement in our upcoming birth is all that I need. I don't need a doctor relying on machines to worry me or a midwife letting me know that the baby's getting bigger. While I am still curious about why I feel that I am bigger with this baby than with my other pregnancies, I am not wanting any outside interference. Chris also is very relaxed about most things and has no desire to find out anything about the baby. Once upon the time, before we were blessed with girls, he thought that he'd like to know if we were having a girl. The thought came and went and to our astonishment, we did indeed have a daughter with our first homebirth. I think the surprise and utter joy that came with Hana's birth just confirmed to us that not knowing the details of a gift beforehand was something worth waiting for. With my previous pregnancies, the question that is always asked is if I'm having a boy or girl. I am not so obviously pregnant yet, so I haven't been asked that question yet but I know it is coming. Maybe I should try to be straight forward and not confuse people with the answer I have given in the past, "Yes." Definitely a boy or a girl. And then when they understand that we don't want to find out, inevitably would come the trite, "Well, just as long as it's healthy and normal." Um, no, that will be fine, too. We know that God loves us and works all things for our good so how could we reject anything He brings into our lives? A baby is a baby. Healthy or not, normal or not. A baby is a blessing. Period. Thank you so very much, God, for giving us this blessing. Everyday with this new baby is a blessing. I treasure the days I have with this babe in utero just as much as I am anticipating loving the days after his or her birth. How can a woman in her child-bearing years reject the wonder and miracle of new life? A life created in the image of our Lord and Savior! I don't know. It may have something to do with feminism, which really is just another name for self-ism. Or being deceived by our cultural mantra that there is such a thing as having too many children. There are people I dread knowing about our new baby. They want to shame us into thinking that this little being, HUMAN being, should not exist. If I am ever bold enough, I may just ask, "Which one of our seven should not be here?" How can our 8th child be more of a burden and less of a joy than our first? It really doesn't make sense but I know that this worldview of children as burdens is quite prevalent, even among Christians. I think it's past time that churches denounce birth control and affirm one of the reasons for marriages, to bring forth godly seed. Of the churches we have attended, only the family integrated churches teach about the blessings of a fruitful womb. What a sad indication of how the church is not giving forth the whole counsel of Scripture.

I think of those I know personally who purposefully won't ever experience the sanctifying work and indescribable joys of raising a child and I grieve for them. They have been robbed and they do not even know it.