Four less birds...

I am racked with guilt. There will be four less birds in this world because of my actions. The children are very sad, to say the least.

I changed our cockatiels' nest today to make it cleaner. They didn't like the new nest. We put back the old one. They were either too confused or too distrusting and would not brood anymore.

I am obviously not cut out to be a bird breeder. Knowing that what I did caused the eggs not to be hatched is a sobering fact. I wish I could undo this afternoon. I wish there was something that could be done so these four little eggs would live. But alas, life is real. That is a very lame thought but of course, what I mean is that the reality of this sinful world is death and it can not be reversed. It's no comfort to think that these are animals. The eggs contained more than just future birds. They embodied hope and wonder. The sense of loss is tremendous. I am thankful that my children only experience sorrow and not the pangs of remorse in this instance.

I can grieve over my imbecilic decision to take away the birds' nest but I know that once they have more eggs and they hatch, I will feel infinitely better. How on earth does a woman who had her child(ren) murdered by an abortionist or other means survive her guilt? I do not think she can. It must be buried so deep that she forgets in order for her to not drown in the horror of it all.

Thinking about all the women who have fallen for this evil deed fills me with anguish. The tragedy of our baby-less birds has paled in comparison to the souls that never became little people.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I pray that our children will never know the guilt that comes from rejecting their baby, whether born or unborn. Thank you for the precious gift of life, eternally secure in Jesus. In His name, Amen.