I have questions about facebook that I think will keep me from signing up again. I took the plunge when a friend asked me about my son's facebook which I didn't know he had and when I realized that some friends switched to doing facebook rather than writing emails or calling. I quickly found that there were friends from all over who wanted to be friends again. How gratifying! How mundane I found it after a few days of reading about people's scores of games they play daily or their little snippets of life, but not really knowing what is really going on. I found it to be frustrating, too, wondering about the "secret" that someone posted but didn't reveal what the secret was. Of course, none of it is my business but that titillating tidbit created curiosity. I don't think the way I want to find out about a couple's marriage failing is through seeing that their marital status has been changed to complicated. I'm not sure just how free one is to express oneself on a social network where one may be afraid that some certain person should not know about something. That sounds complicated, doesn't it? I often hear of people saying that they don't want it known on facebook because of ... So, does that mean facebook really doesn't satisfy our intense need for real relationships and that we cannot be free to express to all of our friends just exactly what we want to say? Well, that makes sense since sometimes we can only tell one friend where we won't want to reveal to all of our acquaintances every thought we have, but facebook doesn't differentiate between casual and deep friendships, does it?
This article gives a good assessment of facebook.
I would like some feedback of how facebook works for you, please. I'm asking in all sincerity. Most of my friends are on there and I almost think I should be, too. You know, so that I'm connecting. A friend voiced a concern that I thought inevitable. She said she wasn't comfortable with some female friends of her husband's on facebook. I think it's easier to deal with those face to face relationships with the opposite sex. We normally just don't do it, right? Without our spouses. But on facebook, it's normal and so much easier to just add someone, anyone, as a friend. It could be that the success of facebook shows us how lacking we are to our friends. Maybe if we all reached out more on a real face to face level, there wouldn't be such a need for daily virtual affirmation?
Maybe I'm just worried that my children will one day communicate with us and each other on facebook. And that's it. And life goes on but we've connected.
3 comments:
I have a feeling my opinion won't be too popular, but oh well...here goes anyway.
I highly dislike Facebook. I find it to be a tremendous waste of time. A very superficial way to "connect." Can I really know how someone is doing in a small quick phrase? Could this be what Paul was referring to...."And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not." (1 Tim 5:14) Hmmm....running from virtual house to virtual house? We can be at home, but not really at home. How about 1 Peter 4:15...."But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's affairs." A busybody being right up there in the ranks of a murderer and thief?
How can true Titus 2 mentorship go on when we post a quick status update once in awhile?
As for friends of the opposite sex being on facebook, I find that to be highly dangerous. People tend to say things online that they may not say in face to face contact. So and so may seem ever so witty and understanding online...so much more so than my husband. You see where that is going!?! People are not "real" online. I can be anyone I want to be....I can be super spiritual, incredibly witty and highly intelligent. My life may look oh-so-put-together, like I actually know what I am doing. But the people who know the real me know I am struggling. How can someone truly care and connect unless they are doing it in real life?
All that said, when Facebook was fairly new....I got an account. It was fun to see what old high school friends were up to. I started seeing things I didn't want or need to see. I closed it down. Since then, FB has morphed into this huge social networking giant that has been swallowing up families. I have personally seen relationships destroyed because of FB. I have seen a young relative of mine destroyed because of FB. I had to jump on FB not long ago to see something someone asked me to look at. I was reminded again why I don't want an account.
That is my two cents :)
Facebook seems like a big mess waiting to happen! I have never been there personally though- and I don't plan to, especially after hearing what JJ&TR just said!
My friend,
Facebook is all of those things you are concerned about. I have found myself having to guard things I say because it might be ok for some to know, but not others. Also, I had to "unfriend" a few people who just seemed to butt in with unwanted advice to me which I didn't care to deal with in a public kind of way. It left me very exposed to criticism from family and friends and was just supremely awkward.
All of the friends who used to chat with me or send me emails no longer do. Facebook is enough for them. I guess I'm feeling hurt that they want so little from friendships.
I began using my facebook as a prayer place for Lisa during her pregnancy and it became little more than that. It was the best use of it that I'd had since I started it. I'm so disenchanted with it.
Now that we are going through some big changes in our life, I don't feel I want to be on there. I need my REAL friends now and REAL conversation. I'll probably only use it to peek in on the friends I love, but who won't contact me in other ways now.
One other problem I am having with facebook is that our church youth pastor uses it with the kids to inform them of activities and to share videos and pictures. I am very unhappy with that. I believe all these internet activities draw our children away from us. How unhappy a thing is it that the church is not encouraging something which I see as a curse to my family? The kids are so unhappy with my assessment of it...so even in that there is division caused.
Sometimes I almost wish I didn't have the internet. It is such a mixed bag of curse with blessing, but I feel the quality of my life is so much less than it was before I began being online.
I met you because of the internet...blessing. Can't regret that! But I don't have the friends in real life that I need and now my children are being pulled away and into more internet time with superficial relationships and not in person relationships. The internet has made me lonely for the REAL things in life.
Thanks for bringing it to discussion.
I do love you, my friend.
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