Grace's birth story

Grace is our second daughter and second homebirth.  Her birth story was a testimony to God's faithfulness in answering specific prayers throughout my pregnancy and the birth itself.

My pregnancy was different with Grace than the others because my cycle had never returned.  I was still nursing Hanalora, albeit only once at night and once in the morning.  We had just moved to Guam and I thought I should do a pregnancy test just to be able to accurately tell the dentist that I was not expecting.  I was very surprised that the test was positive.  Hanalora was 15 months when I found out.  I didn't have any pregnancy symptoms that would make me even suspect that I might be pregnant.  But then again, I really don't have a lot of pregnancy symptoms in general.

Chris and I were much more relaxed with this pregnancy and knew just how we were going  to proceed.  Just like last time.  We couldn't find a midwife with Hanalora and had a wonderful homebirth just by ourselves.  It's such a peaceful state to be in knowing that there was nothing to be done but wait for baby to come.  No due date to aim for.  That was an incredibly freeing thing.  It was a little unsettling at first, not knowing when I conceived and what due date to tell people.  But I got to like it.  And felt very comfortable that this was going to be a very different sort of pregnancy.

Chris had to leave Guam often for his work.  At first I didn't really think that there would be a possibility that he would miss the birth.  Again.  But of course I knew that it could very well happen.  He'd missed 2 previous births already.  I never thought about not birthing at home.  I also knew that I didn't want a midwife.  I don't know that I could've found one there, anyway, if I had wanted one.  Guam is very, very small.  I thought I would be praying fervently for Chris to be there for the birth, but that wasn't what I was led to pray.  I did pray that if God so willed, to have Chris be there, but there wasn't much pleading there.  I began praying that God would give me total peace about birthing alone if Chris wasn't there.  I believe God gave me the desire to pray that way because there wasn't a time when I thought about birthing by myself and not having peace about it.  I actually began thinking that it would be interesting!  I knew I would not fear the birth.  Since the birth of my second baby that took place in a birthing clinic in Japan, I knew there wasn't anything to fear about giving birth if I didn't need to go to a hospital.  I knew, too, that I would not fear birthing without my husband.  When we couldn't find a midwife with our first homebirth, I started reading birthing books and realized that no one needed to attend me.  My husband would be my support, but he would not act as my midwife.  His role was to just be there for me and my role was to just let the baby be born.  Sounds simplistic, doesn't it?  That's what happened with our first homebirth.  I never felt that I needed to know how many centimeters I was or when I should start pushing.  When I did begin pushing, it seemed involuntary.  I had been quiet and Chris thought he would just go to the kitchen for something to eat and when he turned his back to walk away was when I realized that my body was trying to allow the baby to be born!  I stood up in the pool to get him to come back.  Good thing he was still very close by.  He came and caught the baby while I continued to stand in the pool.  It was really so amazingly simple and uncomplicated.  We hardly spoke during the labor.  He read the Scriptures I had written out for him beforehand, but other than that, he just waited on the couch while I waited in the pool.  I will write about Hanalora's birth in a separate post but I wanted to tell about where I was coming from.  My last birth was entirely un-managed and totally free from fear.

I was not worried about anything.  Even the worries of the few close friends whom I confided in didn't budge the peace I had about birthing alone.  Of course, I really did want Chris to be there, but I became rather fixated by the possibility of him not.  On May 25, I felt contractions that didn't seem like the practice kind and then I felt that menstrual achiness .  I tried to ignore it but it kept coming.  I didn't say much to the children at dinner, but after the children, except for Max, were settled in bed, I thought I'd better get moving.  I called someone to see if she could get a hold of someone who could get a hold of Chris.  She said she would try.  Then I asked Max to help me blow up the pool.  I could see that he was pretty tired and told him good night.  It was around 11 pm by then.  I got a call saying that they haven't gotten a hold of Chris but they'll keep trying.  Then a call from the Navy hospital came asking if I was ok.  I said yes, I'm fine.  The lady I had called must've contacted the hospital to see if they could help.  That was Friday.  I was told to come in on Monday for a checkup.  I said, fine, smiling, thinking that the baby's not going to wait that long.  The contractions were quite regular and uncomfortable and I knew I needed to get the pool filled up as fast as I could.  I could not get the hose to attach to the sink faucet!  I tried a few times and decided that the only thing to do was to fill the pool up bucket by bucket.  I began praying earnestly that I would fill the pool in time to give birth in it, that I would not tear, that the children, 11, 6, 4, 23 months old, would not wake up during the night, and that I would give birth before the baby woke up.  I don't remember how many buckets I dumped into the pool, but it was too many to count.  I thought the pool would never fill up high enough.  I had set the pool in the dining area right next to the kitchen so it was very convenient to fill the bucket and then walk a few steps and dump and go right back to the sink.  I would time my bucket-filling with my contractions.  I would fill my bucket, lean on the sink to ride out the contraction and when it passed, take the water and dump it in the pool.  My mind was so totally occupied in my task of filling up the pool, the contractions almost seemed like an inconvenient side thing that was keeping me from filling up the pool faster.  All throughout the night, I filled buckets and rocked my hips leaning on the sink and dumped water.  Eventually the pool looked like the water was more than half way.  I got into it and decided it wasn't as high as I'd like so I got back out and filled more buckets.  I was quite ready to settle in the pool when I stopped filling buckets.  It felt oh, so very, very good to be in the water.  I felt accomplished just in being able to get into a pool full of water.  I experimented with a few pushes to see if I wanted to push more and I did!  I looked up and saw that it was past 5:30 AM.  I had been praying throughout the night and now I prayed that I would have the baby very soon before Hanalora woke.  Hanalora was a very good sleeper.  She slept through the night at 8 weeks and woke every morning at sunrise.  6 AM.  I wanted to have the baby be born before she woke up.  And I began pushing more.  Then I heard Josiah, 4, calling Mama.  I thought, I really need to get this baby out!  And she was born the next push.  A tremendous push and all of her came torpedo-ing out into the water.  I turned her around and scooped her out of the water and held her and Josiah walked into the dining room.  It was 5:45.  He was the first one besides me to see her.  And hear her first cry.  Soon Max brought Hanalora to me and then Lucas was awake too.  I stayed in the pool with the baby for some time.  I don't know that I tried to push the placenta out while I was in the water.  I think the intensity of the contractions after the birth surprised me so that I had to really concentrate still to try to relax.  I got out after I felt the water getting cool and tried to see if the placenta would come out.  It didn't.  It didn't bother me at all although I decided to take some angelica drops to see if that would help.  Then I went to bed with the baby.  The children were supernaturally good.  I say this because they're not normally.  They're just regular children that play and fuss and make lots of noise.  That day, May 26, they seemed quiet.  I asked Max for the walkie talkies and I took one and asked him to listen for me on his.  When I was hungry, I beeped him and asked for food.  I don't remember needing to attend to the children the rest of the day.  I stayed in bed with the baby until I felt that I should go to the bathroom.  I beeped Max and asked if he wanted to cut the cord.  He was willing and did a good job.  It cut on the second try for him.  When I went to the bathroom at 10 PM, my placenta slid right out into the toilet.  It only took 16 hours for it to come out.  :)  Of course I did pray about it but other than that, I had not worried about it.  In hindsight, I think I should've tried harder to push it out instead of just staying in bed the whole day.  It felt too good laying there and snuggling with the baby to get up.  Chris made it home the next morning.  I knew God would bring him home.  I didn't need Chris there for the birth, but I didn't want him to miss too many of the precious first hours of the baby's life. 

Grace's was a labor full of ... labor.  God showed me once again that he keeps the promise he made in Romans 8:28.  He used my lack of preparation in making sure the hose fit the faucet for good!  The hours of laboring in the night sped away with my labor of filling the pool.  I don't remember feeling that I was in a bind or that I wished for different circumstances.  I just knew that the pool must be filled and got busy.  Resting from dumping water during the contractions seemed like I was getting a break!  It was really funny, now, thinking how I'd quickly get back into action as soon as the contraction subsided.  I never felt alone.  I was in constant prayer and my mind was occupied in filling the pool.  I was totally and utterly at peace.  I felt so comfortable being by myself in the nude.  I don't think I could've done that had anyone else been there with me.  I don't regret having to fill the pool bucket by bucket.  A water birth is that worth it.

People have expressed different reactions when they found out about my birthing alone.  Our beloved pastor told me that what I did was dangerous.  He said it very gently and in a nice way so I wasn't offended at all but I wrote him a letter explaining that I had God's peace and I couldn't have done otherwise.  That's really just how it was.  I would have been very uncomfortable with anyone other than my husband being with me and I had full confidence that I could birth alone and I had the desire to do so.  And God blessed and answered all my prayers.

I think our baby was aptly named Grace.  God's grace is always sufficient, isn't it?